I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
