he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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