is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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