I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
