I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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