It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
