If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
