i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
