Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
