he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
