On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize