Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize