She's JV to your varsity
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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