420 ftw
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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