i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
