so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
