ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
