You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
