saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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