dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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