I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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