dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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