I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
