Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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