he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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