I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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