I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
