After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize