I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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