So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
