How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
