if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
