i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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