I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
