I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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