So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
