well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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