Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize