I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
