what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize