I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cat gives me a boner
I wish you could order shots online.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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