i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
