Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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