I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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