i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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