i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
