Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
