i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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