Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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