I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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