He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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