Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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