Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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