im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize