i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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