I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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