on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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