This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
