dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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