I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
