Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
