Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
