so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize