Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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