Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
