i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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